Romantic Marriage
BY JOEL NEDERHOOD
WHEN VALENTINE'S DAY comes around each year, she always brings out the old valentine he gave her about 65 years ago. By now they have celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary.Hebrews 13:4 That means he bought that valentine in the late Twenties. It's a beautiful card, and the sentiments on it are very sweet. It is very romantic. It must have cost a good chunk of a young man's wages then. When she sets it out on Valentine's Day, he always smiles proudly. They must have been very much in love. They still are, and it shows. The old valentine is just part of the evidence.
When I think about marriage, I often think about this couple and that antique valentine that comes out each year. I'm also reminded of the man who gave it, and I say to myself, "Pretty good for an old Calvinist...giving his girlfriend that card many years ago and still getting a kick out of it when she brings it out each year. Of course, it's saved him a lot of money over the decades. But there's more to it than that. Their marriage has been romantic."
Romantic people. Yet you say, "Surely no Calvinist would ever become entangled with romance." Don't be so sure. Calvinists are very biblical people, and people who base their lives and their marriages on the Bible are true romantics. The Puritans were Calvinists, you know, and they were very romantic.
The love of which these Puritans speak is an emotional rapture that sweeps the lover into its orb. Henry Smith told his parishioners that in marriage there must be "a joining of hearts and a knitting of affections together."
And William Gouge urged wives "to be lovers of their husbands, as well as husbands to love their wives," adding, "under love, all other duties are comprised; for without it no duty can be well performed...It is like fire, which is not only hot in itself, but also conveyeth heat into that which is near it."
This material conveys an impression of the Puritans that is far different from the usual impression we have. Why were they so romantic? The answer is that the Bible's view of marriage leads to exalted romanticism. A husband and wife who share a common faith in Jesus Christ and who together live in obedience to His Word will experience the fullness of marriage.
Unique relationship. One of the Bible's most pointed calls for moral purity refers specifically to the physical side of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
There are many statements in the Bible that roundly condemn sexual immorality. And this one warns specifically against sexual activity outside of marriage. The term "marriage bed" refers to the intimacy that a husband and wife enjoynot just the physical-sexual side of marriage, but also the deep relationship that develops between a couple who love each other dearly.
As a marriage develops over the years, the physical-sexual component will be modified by the age and the health of the husband and wife. But the deep affection and appreciation for one another need not diminish at all.
We should be impressed that God describes the intimate connection between Christ and His church in terms of the marriage relationship. Christ loves His church and is united to it as a husband loves and is united to His wife (Ephesians 5:25-33).
As old as mankind
If we are inclined to protest the Bible's exaltation of marriage, we need only remember that the opening chapters of the Bible reveal that marriage was created when human beings were. Genesis 2 concludes with this declaration: "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (v. 24).Later Jesus Christ used this scripture to contradict those who were considering various grounds for divorce. In Matthew 19:4-6 Christ replies to religious leaders who wanted to corner Him on this subject.
Haven't you read...that at the beginning the Creator "made them male and female," and said, "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.The Bible, you see, exalts marriage. Two of the Ten Commandments address it:. the seventh declares that we may not commit adultery; and the tenth tells us that we may not desire our neighbor's wife.
Why were they so romantic? The answer is that the Bible's view of marriage leads to exalted romanticism. Those who know the Bible realize it contains countless examples of wretched marriages, many of which involved God's own people. Polygamy was a devastating curse during biblical times, and God's people did not escape its degradation.
But in the New Testament we see the full potential God has assigned to marriage. Now that the Holy Spirit has been poured out on His church, the marriage of Christian people is viewed as a lifelong commitment between a husband and wife that provides them with great blessings.
Confused generation. I am discussing marriage here because today almost everyone seems to be confused about it. Television and movies give young people and adults alike the impression that very little warm affection occurs once people become married. Excitement is to be found outside of marriage.
Such ideas are not only false and nonsense, but they undermine the marriage institution, destroy human beings and erode our society.
Let me tell you the truth about marriage as simply and as straightforwardly as I can. First of all, God made the human race male and female. There is a gender difference that cuts through our race right down the middle. This is no accident. It is God's design.
Because we are male and female, we can be married. I would go so far as to say that the natural state of human beings is to be married. I am not saying that everyone should be married, nor am I denying that some people have a special calling to be single. I am only saying that because we are what we are, marriage is the normal state.
Sexual beings. The Bible, in its high view of marriage, tells us that the sexual dimension of our lives is expressed fully only within marriage. Human sexuality colors many human relationships. Young people as well as older people are always aware of one another's sexuality and relate to one another with it.
A mother relates to her sons differently from the way she relates to her daughters. The same is true of fathers. We are sexual beings, and that affects many things in our lives. But sexuality that is expressed in terms of physical intimacy is appropriate only within marriage.
Nowadays we speak about "sexually active teenagers" and about society's responsibility to provide them with protection. Such talk is evidence of how far our society has moved away from the biblical idea. Given this degeneration, we can hardly expect opposition to arise from the general social conscience.
But surely the church and those who believe the Bible must point out that sexually active teenagers should be told they are breaking the laws of God and will suffer grave consequences. It will cause emotional distress and moral decay, to say nothing of ill-timed pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. But most importantly, the Bible warns in I Corinthians 6:9:
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.In other words, if someone who calls himself a Christian willfully engages in sexual immorality, then he may not be a child of God after all.GUIDELINES
Is it possible to have romance in marriage, even in a marriage that has endured for many decades? Yes indeed. Here are a few rules that you may find helpful:(1) Sex outside of marriage is an act of disobedience. If you are promiscuous now, stop acting that way. Marriage can be as fulfilling and beautiful as God intended it only if we conduct ourselves according to His will. Keep yourself pure for your spouse. Only those who are absolutely faithful to each other can experience the full joy of marriage.
(2) Work at your relationship with your mate. Work on the romantic side of it. Tenderness, consideration, the intimacies of marriageall these need continual attention. These involve doing whatever you can to keep yourself attractive for your spouse. I realize our society overemphasizes appearance these days; even so, husbands and wives have an obligation to be as attractive as possible for one
another.We should also be careful about the habits we develop over the years; some of them may seem insignificant in themselves, but they might be irritating to our mates. Talk about these matters together and try to eliminate whatever makes you somewhat repulsive to your husband or wife.
(3) Have high expectations for your marriage. Don't assume that just because so many marriages are falling apart, that yours is liable to fail. Don't assume that just because everyone else seems to be unfaithful, you must be too. Believe the Bible's views about marriage as the most enriching gift that God gives His children during their lives on earth.
Is it possible to have romance in marriage, even in a marriage that has endured for many decades? Yes indeed. (4) Believe in the Word of God. This point undergirds all the rest that I've said. I've saved it fill last because I don't want you to forget it. Believe what the Bible says about marriage.
What made the Puritans such romantics? They believed the Bible. They knew God had given them sex not only for reproduction but also for enjoyment. But they knew, too, that sex was for marriage, and that outside of marriage sex is sordid, degrading, and destructive.
Believe also in the person who has made it possible. His name is Jesus Christ. He is the Son of God who has said, "What God has joined together, let man not separate." Jesus Christ will provide the grace that can enable a husband and wife to live together for many years, loving each other fully.
If your marriage is falling apart, think seriously about the things we have discussed here. God created marriage to be very good for us. The reason it is often a disappointment is that too many people never attend to the Bible's message about it.
The Puritans did, and they were very romantic. The Bible alone made them so. It can do the same for you. o
Dr. Joel Nederhood is radio minister on The Back To God Hour. For broadcast information, write to 6555 W. College Drive, Palos Heights, IL 60463.